I went for a long walk in the woods the other day on the far side of Lookout mountain. I was alone and whispering to myself. I had a small saw that I was hoping to use for cutting interesting pieces of dead wood to bring home to make furniture. I came upon a massive root cluster attached to an overturned cedar tree. I crawled into the root cave that the fallen tree had created and immediately got chills. The hair on my arms prickled and stuck out from my skin like a stinging nettle. The smell of cat urine was overwhelming and there were small bones littered everywhere that somehow I hadn't seen before. I backed up slowly and sat with my back against a mossy rock. There was no question in my mind that there was a mountain lion watching me from somewhere, sizing me up and determining whether or not I was a threat to its territory. I folded up my little saw and put it in my pack hastily. I figured that if I was going to be attacked that I would have a far better chance of defending myself with my hands than with a flimsy saw that I would have to figure out how to use as a weapon.
I consider myself to be a pretty brave person, and generally I would say that I am not scared of anything. At that very moment with my back against a saturated rock I honestly felt a cold fear that I've only one other time in my life felt. After a few more moments of shallow breathing and trying to hear over my own cacophonous heart, I stood up slowly and let out the deepest, loudest growl that I could muster. I continued my primal cry as I walked purposefully out of the woods into the trail that eventually would lead me to my car. Now on open ground, my adrenaline leveled out and I stood in the middle of the trail and breathed deeply. As I exhaled, a full grown female cougar walked in front of me no more than 100 ft away. She crossed the trail and looked directly at me. Her expression was one that I can only describe as disgust. It was almost as if she was saying "oh please, like I would even bother attacking you." I stood there a moment longer, trotted back to the car, and drove very slowly home. I have never felt more like prey. I have never felt smaller in a world that I often feel like I own.
We don't own this world. We don't own anything. We are animals. We are meat and bones.
