First of all, we go off of the trail as soon as we are able, often making progress painful and difficult. There's nothing quite like deciding whether to try and cross the thigh deep swamp or to brave the acres of eyeball high stinging nettles, and blackberry thorns (even with her fur coat Maple gets stung by nettles).
Secondly our pace is either blindingly fast or painfully slow, with very little in between. The speed at which we hike is dependent on a number of things, but primarily it has to do with whether we are trying to cover as much ground as possible, or are exploring a new area, leaving no stone or log unturned.
Third and perhaps the most annoying for someone wanting to hike with us is that we get distracted very easily. Maple will smell a year old scent of a grouse at the same time that I spot what I think is a bone or a mushroom several hundred yards away. Either of these new distractions will alter the course of travel sometimes for miles, until the scent grows cold or I realize that my Sasquatch skull was merely a plastic bag stuck on a burdock plant.
So, fair warning to those wanting to hike with me. I will take you on an adventure to a place that few have gone and few will go. I will find amazing things for you, like bones, plants, fossils, and mushrooms, and we will see amazing wildlife in their most natural state.
To experience all of this though you must endure serious physical and mental strain, including but not limited to: Nettle stings (sometimes in your eye), wet shoes, wet clothing of any kind, scratches from sticks, blackberry thorns, devils club, Maple claws etc... I will try and feed you weird wild foods that I think taste good but you will hate. Conversation will be strictly limited to clicks and whistles mostly directed at Maple. You will have to help carry the bones, fossils, and mushrooms back to the car through the swamp, and or field of nettles. I might fire a gun without warning at an empty beer can before putting it in my bag for later recycling. Oh, and finally, don't make plans because we wont get back before dark...
Anyone want to go for a hike?
